Funny: Timeline of a Slay Queen (Must Read)

This is  a hilarious and interesting article by Danny Walker. . . Very true and realistic... Lol

TIMELINE OF A SLAYQUEEN

    “ Was coming back from the fuel station; I made sure I looked everyone who walked passed me in the eyes, especially ladies. and then along came this girl I knew quite well although we were not the talking type and as she walked with a guy, in order to avoid eye contacts or greeting me, she laughed at the lame thing he said then looked away, I just smiled and walked passed with my black poly bag and five litre gallon.

     Her type of life style ran cross my mind, she was the slay queen but in her early stage; I usually say that young girls do not understand what they are doing, they surely know what they are doing but do not understand it, many may not understand until experience makes them understand

   For those who do not understand the meaning of slay queen, let me tell you how Google defines a slay queen...

    A slay queen is a woman who wants to choke everyone else with how beautiful and cool she is.

   Now allow me to define slay queen

     A slay queen is a woman who believes strongly that the world revolves around their bum bum and as a consequence becomes resistant and defensive to facts and evidences that flaws this belief.

   Slay queens and social media are like man and oxygen; their headquarters is Instagram then there is face book and twitter but unlike the devil roaming about seeking whom to destroy they are busy seeking attention of promiscuous men although also seeking the destinies of men to destroy.

    They are the latest spices of women in town

    They are not limited to social media, as a matter of fact; social media is the platform where they advertise their goods and services (I believe you know what I mean)

    Various times I have tried hitting off a conversation with slay queens, I began to feel pity for myself; their English don’t usually match their makeup polished face, their command of English is epileptic... they find it difficult to use impressive words and they end up punctuating their sentences with more than enough “As in”, “Oh my God” and “Duh”...

   Talking about them can drain ones energy but quickly I will help you understand the timeline of a slay queen and their miserable life at old age if they fail to change

1. SLAY PRINCESS (Stage 1)

It usually starts from age 14 but the ones with stronger liver start at 12 or 13. At this stage they start with face book, you will see them so eager to own a face book account and once they do, it begins to look like early stage of madness; they start by posting a photo of their face that has gone through the tortures and furnace of photo grid crowned with the usual vegetable on their head, the next things is that they come up with posts about fake friends that they themselves don’t know backed up with pictures of them showing you the size of their growing hips and back side. They usually don’t mind borrowing clothes just to take pictures for Facebook posts; it gives them satisfaction than food

    No one has enough joy than a slay queen who gets 100 likes for the first time, their inbox is choked with messages from boys and men; I remember one time I held the phone of a slay queen, her face book was right in my face and I was shocked to see over 250 messages , over 700 notifications... I just weak.

    Things like that give them joy...

   Their next plan is attending every praise vigil in town where they can find the attention of guys; their targets are usually, instrumentalists, back bench boys and cute male singers. They usually forbid prayer vigils and churches that dress like the mother of Jesus. Also, the way they get attracted to yahoo boys and thugs is beyond me. 

2. SLAY QUEEN (Stage Two)

     Usually 20-35, they are usually almost not without makeup, they don’t want to be caught off guard so they don’t mind sleeping with makeup. They would rather stay hungry than be without makeup, it becomes their oxygen. If you are smart enough to catch them off guard, you wouldn’t mind preaching to people that king Kong is real...

   At this stage church is too boring, they now spend almost every night in hotels and clubs, drinking, smoking shisha like a patient on oxygen support, as well as receiving different sizes of dicks to the point that it begins to taste like breakfast.

    At this stage she has advanced to twitter and Instagram and now runs a premium account, they tell you Facebook is for kids like us.

    On Sunday they go to church and thank him for the success in their hustle, God being so merciful tell them “you are welcome”. They go online on Sunday and post bible verses that they themselves don’t know what it says, verses that cannot even be related to the Sunday, you see posts like “#Slaybae... blessed Sunday... genesis 14v3”... “#Slaybitch... small girl with big God... Jonah 1v6”...  when will you girls have sense?

   On Sunday night, for God’s sake they will reduce the number of dicks for the night and pile them up for tomorrow Monday and you see the Mumu come online and post on Sunday night “Will be very busy tomorrow, no messages please”...

   At about 28-30 and above, they start losing their sanity and start making posts like “I love black cucumbers”, “I want to have sex with the first cute guy that comments”, “White dicks are the best” “I am tired of dicks I want cucumber” and they back up the posts with nudes; all for attention...  signs that they have received dicks beyond limits and their brain is experiencing maximum damages.

    Their type of husband standard is insanely high; it baffles me how they have the guts to ask God for a God-fearing husband who is rich and handsome and earns at least 3million and rides Benz...

    What I love most is that as time begins to tell on them; they are forced to reduce their standards slowly. Some even become baby mamas (New title). Single motherhood begins; I can very much imagine the life of a child raised by a slay queen... SMH

3. SLAY MAMA (Stage three)

I love this stage most... at this stage they are ready to marry anything in trousers that looks like a man.

     This stage usually starts from 36/37-50.

   These ones are usually very bitter, nothing in life excites them again, nothing funny to them; not friends, not dicks, not drinks, not clubbing, nothing at all, they now become their own worst enemy because they now know that evening newspaper is more useful than they are.

     At this stage I usually like to dedicate a song to their boobs; now everybody sing after me: 

“Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall”

“Humpty Dumpty had a great fall”

“And all the Slay queen and their big gods could not put humpty Dumpty together again”...

Their big back side is now full of wrinkles and stretch marks that look like the lightening from Thor’s hammer... nothing to slay again...

   Some will travel to Italy and start transporting younger girls to Italy for prostitution; frustration will make some join baby factory business...

       They usually don’t have eyebrows anymore at this stage because they have shaved the whole generations of eye brows, the remaining ones inside will now decide to start growing inside instead of outside and at this critical stage they begin to look like boxing champions that have received enough blows to the eye brow, their faces like Mayweather and Mike Tyson...

4. SLAYED MAMA (Final Stop)

      Many don’t usually live above 50 because they consequences of their miserable life would have ended them. As for those who live on, some begin to give motherly advice and join women empowerment

    Some others will now run to church out of frustration, they now become prayer warriors, some will even join Good women choir, sanitation, ushers, all in the hope that God will repair their lives... abeg, where God won start from

   Anyway, in conclusion, I dedicate this song ‘’Ordinary People” by Cohbam to all the Slay Queens out there...

 Let us have a world of ordinary people, living life the way god wants us to

And if we have a world of ordinary people, extraordinary things will happen through me and you...”

 Written by: Danny Walker

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